I can still remember it as if it was last week. We were at the hospital on a miserable rainy, drizzly fall evening. My husband and I were hearing devastating news from the ultrasound technician. I looked at the ultrasound screen but I didn’t know what I was looking for. Her face was serious and she eventually said to us “I am so sorry…“ I was 18 weeks pregnant and we lost our first baby.
I kept asking out loud, “Kamisama! Why God? Why did you take our first baby from us?” I wailed loudly in the parking lot at the hospital as we tried to find our car. My husband had no words for me. We felt abandoned and bereft. The world suddenly seemed to have lost all color and sound. I looked outside from the car window, as the rain pounded against the glass, and I felt empty and lonely. The world went by in slow-motion and everything seemed monotone. How could I face the sudden and unanticipated reality that I was no longer a mother-to-be? After five years of anticipation and waiting patiently for a little one, would he never be coming?
Peace from God is very mysterious. From the human perspective, my situation was awful and dejected but at the same time, I felt a peace, which I had never experienced before or after. Surely peace is not dependent on our circumstances. Even in the midst of the storm, God can provide His unexplainable peace which the world definitely can never offer.
English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV Permanent Text Edition (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.